Estelle Getty Is Dead

The mom from the Golden Girls (and the mom from "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot" died. Thank you for being my friend, Estelle Getty. So.... one down, three to go. (And then there's Maude..?)

Bozo The Clown Is Dead

Larry Harmon, who portrayed Bozo The Clown for half a century, has died. But you're not actually reading this, you're staring in mute horror at the picture above, thinking about those weird feelings from your childhood that you never really understood, until now. Why did he smile all the time? It's not normal to be that happy. What kind of complexion lies beneath the greasepaint? Stop looking at his eyes. I mean it, right now. And for the love of God, don't at the shape he's making with his mouth. Look at the picture below instead. It's Bozo riding a rocket. Consider that imagery for a moment.

Roy Scheider is Dead

Roy Scheider, best known as Sheriff "We're going to need a bigger boat" Brody in the first two Jaws movies (no, he sat out Jaws 3-D) could not escape the jaws of death (you knew that was coming). Mr. Scheider was 75. A fun fact: he was almost cast as John Rambo in the original First Blood until Sylvester Stallone beat him out. Crazy! He was also on a show called seaQuest, which was like Star Trek underwater, but with no sharks that I am aware of. And he was nominated for Best Actor for All That Jazz (let's now picture Melanie doing the jazz hands).

Captain America is... Alive?!?

This has never happened before in the history of the Wall of Death: One of our celebrities has returned from the grave. And if it was going to be anyone, it would have to have been ... Doug Henning, the hippy magician. But since he couldn't make it, it was the second most likely candidate, Captain America. Now technically, the reborn Cap is his kid sidekick "Bucky," all grown up and ready to smash some terrorists. I bet he's quite glad he doesn't have to be called "Bucky" anymore. Even "Aqualad" was a cooler name. So does this constitute a rebirth or just a new generation? Or is Captain America more of a symbol than the person inside the suit? Or are we wasting our time even thinking about this, when we should be checking in on how Britney's feeling today? I don't know, but Cap is shiny now, and that makes me feel safer for some reason.

Sam the Butcher is Dead

2008 is off to a strong start for celebrity death with the passing of Allan Melvin, best known as Alice's meat packing boy toy Sam the Butcher. He was also the voice of Magilla Gorilla, Drooper on the Banana Splits and Bluto from Popeye. Holding any one of those jobs would be the kind of thing where you could say "My life work is now complete" but Mr. Melvin kept on reaching, so he should indeed be honored.

Suzanne Pleshette of the Bob Newhart Show also died, but to the best of my knowledge she never voiced a talking gorilla wearing suspenders, so I'm so not that into it right now.

Mr. Whipple is Dead

Dick Wilson, better know as Mr. "Please Don't Squeeze the Charmin" Whipple, has joined Madge the manicurist, Fred the Baker, the Maytag Repairman, and Sugar Bear (ok, maybe not Sugar Bear) in Advertising Heaven. To those of us who have waited decades to be free of this oppressor and freely squeeze our Charmin, I say to you: our lives begin today.

Robert Goulet is Dead

Show business great Robert Goulet is now unfortunately Robert Ghoulet (bwa ha ha ha... hee hee.. oh, sorry Robert, if we can't make puns about dead celebrities, what can we pun about?). He actually needed a lung and had no doners, and was in a Las Vegas hospital for a month and now he is lost to us. So a big "F-You!" to all the potential lung donors out there who could have saved him. I hope you are all happy now... you're going to have to live with this. Here is Mr. Goulet from the "Emerald Nuts" commercial (it's worth a look if you've never seen it.)

Marcel Marceau is Dead

" ................................. "

Alice Ghostley is Dead

Who is Alice Ghostley? Astute watchers of situation comedies will remember this venerable character actor as TV's Esmeralda on Bewitched, and also as "Cousin Alice" when Aunt Bee died on Mayberry R.F.D. (hey, that reminds me, when is Goober going to die?) She also had roles on Designing Women and Golden Girls (we're waiting for you, Bea Arthur) and Evening Shade (all breeding grounds for future site updates)... not to mention the movie Grease. That's all I got on Alice, may she rest in peace.

Mr. Wizard is Dead

Even his amazing wizardry couldn't save him. Don Herbert, the original Mr. Wizard, has gone to that great Hogsworth in the sky. I'll personally be more excited when Bill Nye the Science Guy kicks it. And does anyone remember this Mr. Wizard??

Charles Nelson Reilly is Dead

Rest in peace, Charles Nelson Reilly. You were a staple of 70s game show TV like the Match Games and Hollywood Squares. You were the voice of HooDoo on Lidsville. You were in the Cannoball Run II. And you talked really funny. Flame on, Charles Nelson.

Tom Poston is Dead

Classic TV sitcom lovable, dim-witted neighbor/sidekick Tom Poston is no longer with us. Best known for his roles as George Utley on Newhart and Mr. Bickley on Mork & Mindy, he graced the small screen on everything from Family Matters to Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, and was even known to some of us as the voice of the Capital City Goofball on The Simpsons. What's best, his first wife was named "Jean Sullivan," so there you go.

Larry "Bud" Melman is Dead

Best known from his appearances on the David Letterman show as cult favorite side kick Larry "Bud" Melman, we also must remember the actor Calvert DeForest from Run DMC's King of Rock video and as the composer of the Meow Mix jingle. While we're watching videos, here he is in a bear suit, and I can think of no more fitting way to remember this comedy icon.

Captain America is Dead

They say it was a sniper, but can we blame Dick Cheney for this one? I say yes. Should a fictional super hero be added to the wall of death? And what happens if he gets revived in a couple years (not even Don Knotts can pull that one off). We're treading on some new ground here. That's why we vote. "Cap" would have wanted it this way. Voting is uniquely American (well, I guess there are some other Democracies, like maybe Canada, but they don't really count so much).