Estelle Getty Is Dead

The mom from the Golden Girls (and the mom from "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot" died. Thank you for being my friend, Estelle Getty. So.... one down, three to go. (And then there's Maude..?)

Bozo The Clown Is Dead

Larry Harmon, who portrayed Bozo The Clown for half a century, has died. But you're not actually reading this, you're staring in mute horror at the picture above, thinking about those weird feelings from your childhood that you never really understood, until now. Why did he smile all the time? It's not normal to be that happy. What kind of complexion lies beneath the greasepaint? Stop looking at his eyes. I mean it, right now. And for the love of God, don't at the shape he's making with his mouth. Look at the picture below instead. It's Bozo riding a rocket. Consider that imagery for a moment.

Roy Scheider is Dead

Roy Scheider, best known as Sheriff "We're going to need a bigger boat" Brody in the first two Jaws movies (no, he sat out Jaws 3-D) could not escape the jaws of death (you knew that was coming). Mr. Scheider was 75. A fun fact: he was almost cast as John Rambo in the original First Blood until Sylvester Stallone beat him out. Crazy! He was also on a show called seaQuest, which was like Star Trek underwater, but with no sharks that I am aware of. And he was nominated for Best Actor for All That Jazz (let's now picture Melanie doing the jazz hands).

Captain America is... Alive?!?

This has never happened before in the history of the Wall of Death: One of our celebrities has returned from the grave. And if it was going to be anyone, it would have to have been ... Doug Henning, the hippy magician. But since he couldn't make it, it was the second most likely candidate, Captain America. Now technically, the reborn Cap is his kid sidekick "Bucky," all grown up and ready to smash some terrorists. I bet he's quite glad he doesn't have to be called "Bucky" anymore. Even "Aqualad" was a cooler name. So does this constitute a rebirth or just a new generation? Or is Captain America more of a symbol than the person inside the suit? Or are we wasting our time even thinking about this, when we should be checking in on how Britney's feeling today? I don't know, but Cap is shiny now, and that makes me feel safer for some reason.

Sam the Butcher is Dead

2008 is off to a strong start for celebrity death with the passing of Allan Melvin, best known as Alice's meat packing boy toy Sam the Butcher. He was also the voice of Magilla Gorilla, Drooper on the Banana Splits and Bluto from Popeye. Holding any one of those jobs would be the kind of thing where you could say "My life work is now complete" but Mr. Melvin kept on reaching, so he should indeed be honored.

Suzanne Pleshette of the Bob Newhart Show also died, but to the best of my knowledge she never voiced a talking gorilla wearing suspenders, so I'm so not that into it right now.